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I wasn’t marriage material. Worse, I was deluding myself, I didn’t know how to read people. I was a fraud. At the core, the mantra that browbeats all women, ‘I’m not good enough’. Dejected, I returned to school to reunite with Drew, and give our already lackluster relationship another try. At least it was something- I was so afraid the feeling of nothingness would consume me alive without it. I wasn’t strong enough yet to face the world alone. Jack never betrayed my heart- it turns out he had just gotten engaged to another girl, who he liked but did not love, and kept his promises to her, promises he keeps to this day. He has been a constant companion and friend in my life. When my spirit or his needs encouragement, we visit in our dreams. He opened my eyes to mysticism. His dream hugs restore rightness in my world, he is still my warrior. That is how I envision him- war paint and buckskin and all! We have kept in touch in the real world, making small talk, celebrating birthdays,. I never spent money on anything unless I had to. I also was given a credit card with a limit of $3000. I guess you could say that we were rich. My oldest brother was 12 years older than me but was very protective of me. We were very close and never fought. My other brother was 5 years older than me and he and I always fought. I still loved him and I knew he would protect me if he had to.I didn’t have any friends. I had hi-and-bye friends, but nobody that I really could consider a best friend. I was a loner. I was a nerd. I spent my days chatting online to people I didn’t know. It was ok, but it got boring after so long. My brothers were having a huge party at our house the day that the voices in my head started my self-domination. I was locked in my room angry at the confinement as the noise pushed through the walls all around. I looked out my window to the back yard to see several people in their swimsuits getting in our hot tub and jumping in the pool. All I could.
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